Domesticity
by slingading
Summary: Herobrine doesn't know how he got this lucky, snagging two humans, but he can't find it in himself to complain all that much. Even if Steve and Alex team up against him, those fucking bitches.
PAIRING - OT3

WARNING - Language

POV - ?/Changes(i'm not sure lol)

* * *

Steve runs through the forest, holding his bow close to his chest and breathing heavily. His two pursuers are relentless as they track him through the darkness, seemingly with ease. Though, with all the sound he's making it must be easy. Oh, why does it have to be _them_. They know him better than anyone, if he tries to hide one of them will probably find him anyway. He keeps running.

There's a turn up ahead and he rounds it quickly, only to trip over his own feet and fall to the ground. He holds his arms out to brace himself and suffers scratches along the length of them, but he pushes the pain away and gets back up. They're too close now, it's pointless to keep running and he knows it. Setting up behind a tree, he scrambles to pull an arrow from his quiver and readies it, waiting.

The sound of footsteps fades as the oppressive silence weighs him down.

"Steven~" A delicate voice breaks the silence and sends shivers down his spine. He grips the bow tighter and scans the trees in front of him but finds nothing.

"We know you're there." A rougher voice this time, one laced with smugness, the bastard. "Stop hiding like a bitch and face us!"

"No way! I'm gonna beat you this time!" He calls back, conveying a confidence he doesn't quite feel.

"In your dreams!" The male voice calls back, and the female voice giggles as an arrow lands on the tree next to his head. Great, they know where he is.

"Well today's the day your dream comes true then Steve!"

Alex pushes Herobrine out of cover, surprising him enough to make him stumble. Steve takes aim with the modified slime arrow and looses it. It flies true and lands with a splat against Herobrine's chest.

"Yes!" Steve cheers, even as Alex looses her arrow and hits him in the arm, thus winning the game for her and Herobrine. But Steve doesn't let it bother him. All that matters is he got Herobrine.

"Sorry H, had to sacrifice you for the win." Alex doesn't sound the least bit sorry. Herobrine rounds on her.

"What, you couldn't jump out yourself? You let _Steve_ tag me, and the guy can barely hold a bow correctly!"

"Hey!"

"Yeah, but it was funny." She sticks her tongue out at him. "Plus, he's my boyfriend."

"What the fuck? I'm your boyfriend too you bitch!"

"Yeah but Steve's the cute one. And he never gets to win these games."

"What does that make me, chopped liver?"

Alex waves his woes away. "You're twice as skilled as him with a bow, what are you complaining for?"

"Yeah, you're being a little bitch right now." Steve is absolutely delighted by the unfolding events. Herobrine glares at the both of them, pointing at them in accusation.

"I bet you too were in on it the whole time. Was this the plan from the beginning?"

"Maybe..." They drawl in unison, giggling afterward.

Herobrine throws his hand up and stalks farther into the forest, the sound of wood cracking reverberating through the forest as he punches a tree, leaving a decent sized hole in it. He leaves the two more _immature_ members of the relationship to laugh like idiots as they return to their house at a slow and leisurely pace.

"Yeah yeah, yuck it up. Both of you will regret this." Herobrine mutters as he follows them back.

"An empty threat I think. What about you Steve? Do you think the butthurt little baby will exact his revenge?"

Steve bites his lip and adjusts the bow hanging on his shoulder. He can feel the glare on the back of his head and shudders. Oh, Herobrine will get his revenge in one form or another. But just to aggravate him more, he puts on a smile and turns his head to look at him. "Nah. He's all bark and no bite."

"Is that so?" Herobrine's tone has turned airy and his expression is nonchalant. "We'll see."

Alex lets Herobrine catch up to them and throws her arms around both of her boy's necks as they walk back to the house. "Well, that was fun. What do you guys feel like doing now?"

Herobrine of course, the little baby, only crosses his arms and pouts, but Steve perks up. "Cake?"

"Oh hell yes."

Alex leads them to the house where they drop their bows and quivers off before heading into town. Their house isn't too far from the village that has learned to live with them. It'd taken them some time to come to terms with Herobrine being a regular visitor, but they'd gotten used to it. (Even though Herobrine occasionally terrorizes them when he's angry.)

They walk to the bakery, Alex and Steve heckling Herobrine into a worse mood, though he can never truly stay mad at them—except for that one time Alex's finger slipped on her bow and had impaled him. He'd been pretty mad after that.

"What do you boys feel like having?" Alex asks, tapping a finger against her lips as she inspects cakes through the glass. "I'm feeling like...chocolate looks good. But so does the sprinkle one...hm..."

"You know what I'm getting," Steve says, practically pressing his face into the glass. Herobrine walks up next to him and shakes his head.

"Why get the same flavor every time?" Humans are still so strange to him. Their customs and behaviors are too hard to comprehend, like why they eat so often.

"Well...I don't know, I like it a lot. Nothing wrong with the classics." Maybe he's a little boring for getting vanilla each time, but he _really_ likes that flavor.

"And there's nothing wrong with that," Alex assures, kissing his cheek and walking up to the counter. They order two halves, one chocolate and one vanilla, before hurrying back to the house. Normally Alex would hound on Steve for eating actual food before sweets, but she's too lazy to bother. Besides, she does like herself some cake. As for Herobrine...telling him what to do doesn't usually work well, mostly because he doesn't listen.

As Alex cuts pieces for her and Steve, the two boys sit on the couch, Herobrine still salty about earlier.

"I still think that shot was total bullshit." Steve smiles as Alex huffs, handing Steve his plate.

"My, you are being a bitter Barry today. Why don't you go cry about it?"

"Maybe I will." He almost quips that his name's not Barry, but he stops himself. He knows it's just a saying, not meant to be taken literally. Well—he's ninety percent sure. Humans are weird.

Herobrine's attempts at making himself the victim isn't working in his favor. He must be forgetting all the times he's bested them, whether in arrow tag or some other game. Aside from being an actual God, the guy's a _game-_ God, and it feels good shoving victories in his face.

Already bored of watching Steve and Alex eat, Herobrine slumps on the couch and sighs. He let's his eyes wander and happens to look over at Steve as the miner sets his already empty plate down.

"Hey, what happened?" He doesn't let Steve answer before gently grabbing his wrist and lifting his arm up, showing himself and Alex the roughed up state of his skin.

"Oh yeah." He pulls his wrist out of Herobrine's grasp and inspects the scratches himself. "I tripped running from you guys and tried bracing for the impact. I'd forgotten all about it."

"I'd consider a regen potion to heal those up quickly." Alex suggests, shoveling down the rest of her cake and tossing her plate on top of Steve's before leaning over to see them better. "Yeah, I think that'd be best."

"I guess." He gets up, grabs the empty plates, and throws them away before heading to the storage room to find a potion.

Alex in the meantime leans over and starts poking Herobrine in the side, trying to get a reaction out of him to make him stop pouting like a child. "Hey, lighten up. You're not seriously upset that you pretty much got owned, are you?"

Herobrine finally acknowledges her by turning his head to glare, only to be met with a surprise kiss. Startled, he feels blood rush to his cheeks and his glare lightens in the face of her wide smile.

"Aw, was all you needed a kiss to make it better?" She whispers, leaning forward as he leans away. He eventually is forced to hold a hand out to prevent her advancement as he runs out of space.

"No."

She chuckles and leans away, crossing her legs and resting her arms on the back of the couch. "Wow, all these flavors and you choose to be salty. Maybe I should start calling you Salty..." She laughs softly and raps her fingers against the couch. " _Salty Steve._ "

"Don't you dare," Herobrine hisses the same moment Steve walks out of the storage room. "What?"

"No no Steve, just pestering Herobrine."

"Ah." Steve sits on the couch on the only open space, between them, and smiles at Herobrine. "So the usual."

"Yep."

"You two are horrible."

"We love you too."


End file.
